Makeup your Mind!

So, a friend of mine wants to be more than a friend. That's not an out of the ordinary story, but here's the catch, he is starting to feel some type of way because I'm not expressing the same interest. The result is, he's making me feel like I'm catching feelings when in actuality I'm pretty neutral about the whole situation. One thing that I've learned about men is that they say exactly what they feel. Another thing that I've learned is they have a lot of pride which causes them to say what they think they mean. He keeps telling me he doesn't want a relationship, but I don't remember the last time that I said that I did. Would I be wrong to call him out on his make-believe fantasy world? It's starting to irritate me. I really don't like when people push their problems off on you. It's very childish and shows that they don't know how to handle themselves as an adult. I'm not in the business of waiting for a grown man to figure out what he wants. Actions speak way louder than words, so don't call me 3 times a day saying "boyfriend like things" and in the same breathe tell me it means nothing. I am naive in the sense that I believe actions speak louder than words, so if 'someone' doesn't get himself together the friendship might go down the drain with his fantasy.

Take Control

So, recently I realized that I'm not yet healed. Initially, I thought one was healed when they no longer care for nor think of their ex, but it's more than that. Emotionally, I'm still scarred. I have an "I'll get you first" attitude when it comes to the opposite sex. I don't want to be taken advantage of so instead of being the person I used to be, I anticipate disrespect. I was called out on it and it hurt me badly. I don't want to be like this, but trauma doesn't show side effects until the situation has passed. I have decided that although I got myself into this emotional bind, I know that God can help me get out of it. I ran away from God so I could hold onto my relationship, and He allowed me to come back when it didn't work out. Now, that's unconditional love. I've decided that I need some time for me. Before I can get into anything serious, I need to know who I am first. I can't bring anything to the table if I'm not whole. I want the person I'm with to have the whole and emotionally healthy me and not the insecure person that my past relationship has brought out of me. I'm ready to take control of me.